Look Busy

after really long time no write, I wondered if someone had any interest on my own bloody blog - and was amazed, so many people clicked, by mistake, curiosity or just to double check if I was still alive... well sometimes I wish I weren't, but I'm nobody to decide what to do, or at least when this live ends...

this is a relief, for myself, and I don't care if someone will read all this crap or not, because of my own life I couldn't care less - that is a big mistake, something I have started regretting for God sakes!!!

well, I finish my dissertation, got a bloody B, who knows what this means... I'm fed up with so many things, I surely am... have no job (no wonder, since last January I haven't looked for one), no friends (neither here or in the old places I used to live), no help (to get out of this dark hole)... I want to scream, to cry out, to fight for what I want - but what I want, does this woman really want something or just to be sticked... how many Christmas wishes I received? not counting family? few, not enough to put me on track again... sometimes I wish I were no coward and finish with this all - put an end, of my own life... I have no bright side at this moment, and I'm weak to break up with myself, maybe that's a good point...

bullets for life:
- self-esteem
- intelligence
- confidence
- passion
- friendship
- healthy
...

people take things for grant, things they should say thanks, not only sights and blame what it's not done... miss me, myself, my life, my identity... who am I? what am I doing here? what are the things that pride myself? sounds egocentric, doesn't it?

this is my life... it's now or never, but I'm not gonna live forever... sorry bon jovi, it's not alright...

Am I done or not?

I've been avoiding this topic, but I believe that what I just read at http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91210-1287932,00.html shocked me more than I could imagine, especially the very last paragraph:

"Until 2004, possession of child pornography was not an offence in the country unless the material was sold on."

So in Portugal, up to 2004 if you possessed an underage pornographic material, that would NOT be an offence? So having this kind of things could maybe seam like normal? That stimulates abuse, I cannot find something against this thought, it is unbelievable and shocking!!!

Not surprisingly I've heard so many horrifying stories of child porn. I believe that only an abused child knows what that means and how horrible it is to be abused by elders, someone they think they can trust.

Well, about Madeleine, I don't know what happened to her - I've been reading and following the news every single day, since the very first days (watching sky news and bbc news 24 in London). She is the major victim in this whole story. If is she still alive? We hope so. If hasn't she been harmed? We prefer to think so. All we know is that she vanished, kind of "beyond belief" story; I wish it was only fiction, not fact.

and I still need to revise the conclusion and synopsis...

but at least I'm going somewhere...

can't believe - the nightmare is almost over!!! within the next 26 hours, I'm free!!!!!

still have work to do, obviously, this is a never-ending work...

thanks everyone that has supported me... I really appreciate!!!

they let me be - alone & lonely for how long? it's high time to give life a break

I'm about to finish this awful dissertation that has consuming and demanding my time...

well, still have to work, but it's high time to finish this race...

at least I'm learning some Continental Portuguese with my supervisor... sometimes it's funny, whatever...

I deserve what I fought for, don't I? So...

Enjoy, even it is to laugh about me!!!

what would be the best? what are my dreams stick in?

choose a picture and let me know, will be my return to daily posts

well 4 days to go - 4 days to freedom!!!

what are the odds... feeling lonely again, need care, need a kiss, need a hug from the people I love...

that's all... for today...

It appears that I'm almost done with this thesis... Just need to write limitations and overall conclusion...

I'm scared, I wish I'm doing the right thing, can't stand the idea if I don't pass... Certainly I'm losing my sleep again... oh dear...

apparently there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

my supervisor likes my dissertation structure, I hope she also likes what I wrote, that is the most important...

I had a dream tonight, two phases: the first I was expecting a baby and no-one told me so, I found out too late (because I continued to have periods), and the moment wasn't the best to have one... the second I was in serious trouble with my grades and failed, unbelievable, how come???

is it a sign, or just instantaneous stress, because the thesis is due to 7 days only?

by the way, my sister invited me to be godmother of her lovely daughter, I have to buy the ticket to get there, maybe this is the reason for dreaming with babies? I'm not prepared for having one!!! neither my other half!!! I'm telling, because I know...

anyway, i wish you all a nice day!!!